she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
