the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
