Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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