You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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