I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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