Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
