haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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