Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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