By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
