Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
