I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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