there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
