if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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