I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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