At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
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I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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