I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
