I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
