i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
