mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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