I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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