Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
