Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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