i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
