You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
