i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
