This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize