lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
