I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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