Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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