I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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