i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
