I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
