So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
