I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
