It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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