this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize