I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
