Just fell off a train. Bad.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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