I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
