If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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