I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
