I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
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Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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