i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
