White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
