Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
