i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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