We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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