My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
