Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
