I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
