YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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