I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
