please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
