the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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