Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's the barista slut.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
