Apparently you make a good broom.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
