***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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