he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
