He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
