I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
