Kiss
Puke
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
