so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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