I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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