Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
