Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
