Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
