i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
