Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
did i walk over a car last night?
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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