in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
