remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
