Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
