Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
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You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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