This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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