I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
