Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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