There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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