If i come over, it means nothing
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
