Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
tell me about the fingering
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