Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
