I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
