Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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