i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
