These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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