let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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