im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
